I saw this "Thank You" Note while in my doctor's office at my post baby 6 week appointment. After the nurse had told me I had only lost 3 more pounds it was about the only thing that made me laugh. It is from the book "The Fourth Trimester: And You Thought Labor Was Hard" and what every mom should wants to send out while in this fog that is the fourth trimester.
The Thank You Note Real Moms in the Fourth Trimester Would Like to Send Out:
DEAR____________:
Thanks for sending us __________ . I'm sure __________ will love it as soon as _________ can do anything besides eat, sleep, cry, and run up the stock prices on Pampers. Having recently entered the Fourth Trimester, right now my goals in life are to sleep more than three hours and shower before 7 pm. So please excuse this impersonal note.
I'd love for you to come over and see ________. But no helpful hints, no critiquing of the fact that I (1) breast-feed without a cover-up; (2) do not breast-feed and use formula; (3) allow my child to use a pacifier; (4) use a Swyngo-matic to hypnotize my child into a state eerily similar to an Ectasy trip. Do not tell me that ________ looks cute. I know that ______ looks like a cross between E.T. and Yoda. And no comments about my figure. I'm not Cindy Crawford and yes, those are still maternity clothes I'm wearing.
Bring rain gear and you'll be well prepared for the nonstop torrent of liquid escaping from ____ and me. Can't wait to see you--- of course these days I'm even looking forward to having my mom and mother-in-law visit. I'll take whatever adult company I can get.
Love and Kisses from me and the little pumpkin!
___________ best E.T./Yoda look and Mom's best Jabba the Hut look